DeMonica's Mood & Mode

"We don't want any bedazzle in the rear"

2011-09-08T19:09:00.000-04:00

Daily Outfit

2009-11-25T18:32:00.004-05:00

An early image of Gala Darling with cool bat sunglasses.

I ran across this woman's daily account of awesomeness in dress completely by accident. I am so jealous of her. She can show you a thing or two about celebrating life by celebrating yourself. Gala Darling has been documenting her duds decisions for a few years with her Daily Outfit; and though she started out with an amazing look, she has somehow managed to continue evolving, and becoming even more amazing.
Rock on, cool chick! Gala Darling, I bow to you… but just this once. I normally bow to no one.

Become a Gala Darling Fan on Facebook.

Follow Gala Darling on Twitter.

Juan Cabana has my heart

2009-11-23T11:23:00.006-05:00

I'm not normally in the habit of posting this kind of stuff, being that this is a macabre way of celebrating my demonicisity; but I found the artist Juan Cabana on Betty Bones' Tattle & Chatter blog. Good stuff. Impressive art. Cute demon by Ira / Miguel. New info says it was done by Hajime Emoto.

See more creatures by Juan Cabana at Environmental Graffiti.

See more creatures by Ira / Miguel

Juan Cabana DIDN'T made this adorable demon corpse.
Ira / Miguel did (no source for full name).

Doll Face, a beautiful film

2009-10-30T15:13:00.003-04:00

What a beautiful film. This video (Doll Face) says it all. Try too hard to emulate the "beauty" you think you see in the media (eg. ME), and you'll just end up cracking up.

hola, ombré

2009-10-27T13:00:00.004-04:00

Ombré hair? More like ombré skin. Check out her neck!

Now I'm thinking my green should go from green to black. I might have to try it. After all, I'm most certainly Miss Trendy… not.

The ombré look is becoming trendy in hair now. Now? Didn't the singer from Berlin have two-tone hair back in the eighties?

So models and stylists are doing it now, and it catches on? I hope it catches on… fire.

Refinery29 "Fashion" post here. Have fun with it when it gets to Target, everybody.

Creepier and Cuter

2009-10-26T18:14:00.004-04:00

A vampire pacifier for your little devil.

Speaking of creepy and cute, someone just forwarded me a link to this horrendous pacifier. Want to make your little bundle of joy look like a blood-thirsty freak like my sister, LilyBat?

Here's a pacifier to stop up the little demon's cries.

Creepy and Cute

2009-09-25T14:45:00.004-04:00

It's been a while, but I'm back. Of course my first post in a while is a fairly reluctant one. My big sister, LilyBat gets all the attention. I found this blog called Creepy and Cute because I was looking at who was following my sister's blog.

I have to admit, I love the content; and as advertised, it's "creepy" and "cute" - my favorite combination of adjectives.

Check and see!

Goodbye Cheetos are Orange

2009-07-20T11:59:00.003-04:00

I must have the opposite of the Midas touch. I thought everything I touched turned pink. Instead I was touched by something orange, and the minute I find interest in it, it goes away.

Cheetos are Orange is/was a blog by Hannah Cheeto that doesn't/didn't mess around trying to please readers. Hannah has a strong sense of self-image that cannot be torn down. Though I don't always agree with Cheetos are Orange choices for what looks good, I was happy to see a strong opinion backed by serious choices and style that screams out.

Here's the post that I found that sold me on her ability to blog about fashion and style successfully.

Browse through her previous posts, and I dare you to not enjoy her relevance. Come back, Cheeto!

iBrow

2009-07-17T15:22:00.002-04:00

Is the Daily Mail really so gullible? It's obvious these "beauties" are wearing waxy make-up over their eyebrows. So shocking! Women with no eyebrows! This could be a new trend! Give me a break.
Lots of disturbing images of famous model types trying their best to look uncomfortably androgynous in this link to the Daily Mail.

/for the record, I have no eyebrows, and I rock that look.

NREAZON got gumption

2009-06-22T18:53:00.004-04:00

One of NREAZON's Munny creations.

NREAZON is one of the Jitterbutter GirlMonsters MySpace friends.
Check out her her bloggy. She makes custom art and Munnys like what my friend Betty says Murakami does.

Besides brains, talent, and style, NREAZON's got a sense of humor.

She's got the get-go all girls should have. Move it, and shake it; and know what to move and shake. Go get that success!

Check out her blog
She's also on Twitter - I should get my butt on there :P
Of course, there's her Myspace
…the ever growing Buzznet
And, last, the hub, the official site

She is a really great artist, and she has the motivation to make it happen for herself. Rock on!

Bandage dress

2009-06-07T22:49:00.003-04:00

Shame on me that I never heard of the "bandage dress" before. It's kind of cool, but if it's so popular that too many celebrities are wearing it you can expect it to go the way of the mummy. Apparently, everyone is so wrapped up in this trend (sorry for the bad pun) that they are even wearing this dress when other celebrities are wearing the same one.

Click here to see Herve Leger's Bandage dress (and variations of it) on 49 celebrities.

Thanks go to NY's Daily News.

Back to our roots

2009-04-25T12:02:00.003-04:00

More women are doing their own dye jobs these days because of this lousy economy. I’ve been saying it all along. You should all dye ;)

Linky.

Loincloths? For real?

2009-04-18T13:12:00.003-04:00

The ultimate liberation item or man’s latest attempt at objectifying women? For reals? Modern loin cloths? Methinks Japanese women should not be embracing this new trend. Before you know it, we’ll be dressing like the Flinstones, and saying things like, “Zugzug!”

I do NOT approve of fashionable loincloths.

Snake venom botox

2009-04-09T13:53:00.004-04:00

Snake venom: The budget alternative to Botox? Are you kidding me?

I love how this article plants a nice, big picture of someone being injected with Botox (obviously a model for Botox PR). The snake venom cream isn’t injected, it’s applied.

And how about this: “The £6 tubes of Lacura Wrinkle Stop contain a compound called Syn-Ake, which mimics the snake's paralysing venom. It promises to block the nerve signals which cause facial muscles to contract and can lead to lines… The new moisturiser will be stocked in Aldi stores from April 20.”
It reads like an advertisement!

Just send your press release to whatever product you’re selling. The Telegraph will publish it.

Polyvore Amour

2009-03-27T13:09:00.005-04:00

One of Betty Bones’ blog followers who has a fun blog called Bel Amour uses a really cool space called Polyvore. I just set up a membership because I want to play with it. I hope you’ll visit me there. I am far from talented with coming up with good style as you can see by my plain fashion sense. But I really like to see what others are thinking.

See my profile at Polyvore!

This is the first “set” I created. I don’t know what I’m doing!

Etsy - It’s a Swindle

2009-03-25T14:56:00.006-04:00

I don’t really understand the naming of the store, because It’s a Swindle Accessories Etsy Shop is anything but a swindle.

My favorite is this skeleton hand pendant and companion bony hair barrettes.

It's A Swindle Accessories is a MySpace friend of the Jitterbutter girl monsters. She’s a one woman operation and all items are hand made in her own personal sweat shop.
She makes all sorts of strange and cool items.

Who wouldn’t want this happy skull bracelet?

If the above linked items are gone, you can find more of her stuff at her Etsy store. Tell her DeMononica sent you :)
Betty Bones is going to LOVE this!

Mirror, mirror, shut your mouth

2009-03-20T11:33:00.003-04:00

Don’t ask the mirror to tell you if you are beautiful. You probably are, and you're just looking at the wrong side. Don’t let your self-image be victimized because you are paying too much attention to the wrong side of your reflection.

Read this article carefully, and maybe you’ll figure out that what you see is not what others see… for reasons I never heard of, but make a whole lot of sense.

Fire eating = no calories

2009-03-18T13:18:00.008-04:00

Lady Aye, performer, fire eater! Picture by Ted D'Ottavio

Wow, I love this stuff! This is what I call style. A MySpace friend, NYC’s Lady Aye (pronounced “eye” like a pirate) has performances all the time.
Maybe if you make it out to a show you’ll see me there in the dark corners in the back. If you meet her, tell her DeMonica says hi.

“The Lady Aye keeps herself busy on stage as a fire eater, sword swallower, and emcee; and off stage as a noted burlesque producer and writer. Named by the Village Voice 2006 Best of New York issue an "up and coming burlesque babe", she has also appeared on "Gossip Girl", performs with The Pyrate Sisters All-Girl Sideshow and Lady Circus, and holds the unique distinction of being the world's only Jewish female sword swallower.”

See Lady Aye at her MySpace page.

See her at Lady Circus! where you can find out about her upcoming events.
Incredible photo gallery here.

The lip gloss finger pop!

2009-03-14T12:48:00.004-04:00

Too much lip gloss making you look like a gooey mess?

The finger pop! Why didn’t I think of that???

Probably because I associate fingers with tasty appetizers. I don’t want to end up eating my fingers :P

Squarey Monsters

2009-03-12T13:31:00.004-04:00

The Squarey Monster, Donk is my favorite.

And, now for something completely different ;)

Another end of the style spectrum. This site just launched, and I think the monsters there are just adorable. All designed based on squares, they’re call Squarey Monsters!

And they have a store :)

Check out this guy!

Build your wild self

2009-03-11T12:38:00.005-04:00

LOL Lovely! A friend sent this link to me. The New York Zoos and Aquarium Wildlife Conservation Society has set up buildyourwildself.com so you can make a collage animal version of yourself. It sounds corny, but it's actually amazingly hilarious.

Go ahead, and BuiLD YouR WiLD SeLF

I'm DeMonica, the Ibex-bat-cra-tom-at-monitor!
Click the picture to download a desktop pic!

Modern boutique with a vintage touch

2009-03-10T10:40:00.005-04:00

Mai Ruche

I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about me, or assume they know my position on style. Just because I like the Goth look does’t mean I claim to be Goth. I put a link to a good source of Goth clothing in my last post, but I’d hate to be pigeon-holed into one particular style. I like styles that reach out in many directions like solar flares from the sun… but I hate the sun.
To demonstrate my meaning, I’m posting today about boutique owner / wardrobe stylist, Mai Ruche. I found this link at thefashiontime.com, and want to share it with you. Read into it what you will. I wouldn’t wear most of these clothes, but I can appreciate all of it for how cool it looks. The Fashion Time Magazine does a great short interview with Mai that gives great insight into her approach and her motivation.

Click here for her shop where you’ll find cute accessories and dresses. I like her shoes too.
My favorite dress is this one.

You can also read her bog to see what’s new.

The future is futur

2009-03-07T13:21:00.004-05:00

Futurstate is a great place to find some good goth and electro fashions.

You can find some rare items that make you stand out and blend into the darkness at the same time. I prefer a hint of color somewhere, but I suppose that’s what hair is for. They have decent prices, so give futurstate.com a peek.

I think they need a new boy model. This one is obviously a wax figure who never changes his expression.

Edible monsters

2009-02-12T18:13:00.004-05:00

As a monster myself, I have no problem eating other monsters. Isn’t that what we do? That’s really what you want. You need to define me as a monster… Aw, who am I kidding? I was going to go off and rant on your judgment of me, but my mood is pink and chipper because of this item Betty Bones sent to me.

MONSTER CEREALS BLOG! If I could wear this as a dress, I would. So cool!

While I'm at it, they have The Church of Monster Themed Breakfast Cereals Facebook group now too. Join up if you go there.

Now I have to go off and binge.

These pants are riding up

2009-02-04T18:50:00.004-05:00

In the 80’s it was wrestling shoes, the 90’s it was men’s sports jerseys. Is this the sport-to-fashion trend for this decade? While the decade is far from new it takes years for it to develop a style. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about English riding pants as fashionable pant-wear. Even if you rock your own personal style, there are very few people who can pull this off. And if that’s true, what will you do when you have to pee?

I have to admit I do like the tapered ankle with the buttons.
But, PLEASE don’t let this evolve in riding chaps for fashion!

Welcome your demonic overlord

2009-01-13T19:13:00.003-05:00

Parents need to control their children in public places. I thought I was a demon. These little creatures are misbehaving all up in my face all over the place.
Note to parents: Control your children or I will control them for you… and my mastery of your child will include reigning with reins.

The Duke got Spirit, yes they do

2009-01-09T12:23:00.003-05:00

The Duke Spirit

I like to listen to WFUV online, and sometimes a song pops out at me like an alien from the dark. That’s all well, and good, and I can keep that to myself; but when talented groups like The Duke Spirit come along, and they are offering free music, I have to tell the world!
Go to their site, sign up for their mailing list, and they send you a link to download a superb song from a radio session called Wooden Heart. It’s softer than the song I heard on the radio, but shows they are not one dimensional.
Enjoy it! Now leave me alone. I’m ordering the CD!

Swedish spider

2009-01-08T12:32:00.003-05:00

I don’t like spiders and snakes… just kidding. I love’em!

Check out this link to a Flash 3D spider. A Swedish developer named Tomas designed it. He has my heart.
Drag the spider around, feed him bugs, make him jump! I love it!

Devil Doll on Deadbeat

2009-01-07T12:51:00.004-05:00

Devil Doll on the cover of Deadbeat Magazine

One of my MySpace friends is a Los Angeles based Rockabilly band called Devil Doll headed by the Devil Doll herself. They rock my socks! Check out their music, and get their CD at CD Baby.
Devil Doll appears on the cover of the new issue of Deadbeat Magazine.

And, visit me at Myspace too, dangit!

I’m gonna smoke ‘Cracked’

2009-01-05T17:21:00.003-05:00

Cracked magazine, and their humorous lists are at it again, but this time they’ve insulted me and my monster heritage. Here, they’ve gone and listed “6 Bizarre Real World Versions of Fictional Monsters.” What nerve. There are fictional people too. And some people who are so fake, I want to squeeze the stuffing out of them.
Well at least demons are last on the list, so I guess Ian Fortey considers them to be most real.
Witches aren’t monsters, so I’m not even counting that one. Sure the fictional ones are a bit scary, but when you find a real one who actually looks like that, I’ll buy you lunch.

Tipi of the day

2008-12-23T12:24:00.003-05:00

This is the ultimate clash in tastes and style. Somehow they pull it off, and I'm actually tempted to buy a Barbie® Doll. Gosh, that Registered symbol makes it look like “Barbier” instead of “Barbie.” I suppose it is Barbier. After all, that would be considered better, and this particular Barbie® Doll modeled after Tipi Hedren in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds is far better than any blonde bombshell Barbie I’ve ever seen.
Every dress should be acompanied by ravenous birds that want to kill you.
For due credit, I found it at Boing Boing.
But here’s the collector site.

Smarmy Clothes

2008-12-11T18:29:00.003-05:00

Less mood, more mode. I have been inspired! I found this site: SmarmyClothes.com, and you HAVE to check it out. These are the punkiest, and most colorful hand-made clothes I've ever seen. I recommend you check it out, and buy something from them. Dress with a little gumption.
See them at Myspace too.

Check out this cool hand-bleached, hand-sewn dress. Not just a great idea. It was executed with the precision of a good mortician. Drop dead gorgeous.

Give them an inch, then twist

2008-12-03T11:48:00.003-05:00

Sheesh. Give somebody an inch, huh? I have yet to see any company not take advantage of your need for their service. You name it, they’ll take you for all you’ve got. No need for specifics here.
It’s time we let them know we will go elsewhere (when we aren’t forced by monopolies).
Give them and inch, they’ll take a mile. So from now on, give them an inch, and twist it so it hurts.

Return of the living girl monsters

2008-11-07T13:10:00.004-05:00

Is it safe? Halloween is over, right?

I wish people would not associate me with that horrid holiday. Have humans forgotten the meaning of Halloween? I’m a demon girl. Your human Halloween is the day to scare off evil spirits and demons. Well, I’m scared. Of your costume parties where you dress as a sexy nurse or Batman. Who the heck are you warding off? Sequels and harlots, I suppose.

Prepay = Delay

2008-10-28T12:15:00.004-04:00

New lessons are learned every day. Each one makes me more cynical. Lesson #7,734: Don’t prepay for anything. You think you’re doing the right thing, but in reality if it’s goods, they will arrive when they feel like; and if it’s services it will turn into the worst service possible.
Money is like the carrot on a stick. Don’t give money to the ~~donkey~~ ass
or he’ll forget why he got it in the first place.

Chiller Theater Returns!!!

2008-10-24T14:41:00.002-04:00

I haven’t posted in a while; but, hey, I get all kinds of busy before Halloween.

Heads up if you are in the NY area, or get WPIX Channel 11, they are bringing back Chiller Theater! Remember that six fingered hand that emerged from a puddle of blood to eat the letters in “CHILLER?” Then it would sink back down with that eerie “Chiller,” voice. Well, I don’t, you old coot. I’m still young and pretty.

Here’s a link to the Channel 11 WPIX announcement:
http://www.wpix.com/wpix_chiller_theatre

Also, here’s a link to the original Chiller opening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ux3laLkueZk

We all know all YouTube links don’t necessarily last, so here’s a search for more:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=chiller&search_type=&aq=f

It’s not the heat

2008-09-11T11:20:00.004-04:00

It’s great to finally feel some of this humidity go away. I mean the ignorance that I have to deal with on a daily basis leaves me flabbergasted. Wait… what? Oh, did I say humidity? It’s not the heat, it’s the stupidity.

Someone couture than me

2008-09-01T15:24:00.004-04:00

I don’t know much how to dress. I just look for dresses with holes in the back so my wings are more comfortable. And I’m not much of a fashionista. You’ll find me happy (or the demon equivalent) with a plain black or purple outfit. A little pink is nice too.

If I was going to consult with a designer, Cassandra would be the one. Her Goth Girl Fashions are beautiful romantic reflections of her talent. The detail that goes into her work is phenomenal! And the influences are far more than simple Gothic style. She weaves in her own mix of Asian and Victorian along with the ever-effective and beautiful human skull.

Click for Cassandra’s work.

Take the bitter with the tweet

2008-08-13T08:17:00.004-04:00

I can’t stress enough the importance of sleep. Getting enough Zs make you beautiful. Skipping on sleep is just going to make you cranky — ugly on the inside and on the outside.
When I sleep I like to wake up without an alarm so I wake up naturally. If only those stupid birds outside would stop squawking. They call that music?

Lovely leather we’re having

2008-08-12T11:25:00.003-04:00

I did a search online to find out how to clean leather so that I wouldn’t have to get my jacket cleaned professionally. Let me just warn you, it’s worth getting it done professionally.
The advice I found was to mix 1 part vinegar with 2 parts linseed oil. Rub that mixture on the leather and let it sit over night before rubbing it off with a dry lint-free cloth. Well I never got around to the second part.
Think about it. Vinegar and oil? Sounds like a salad. Smells like a marinade. It was delicious.

Two-face jokers

2008-08-02T12:59:00.003-04:00

Two-face friends. Everyone knows one. They talk smack about you behind your back, and smile pretty full of compliments when you’re together. There’s enough drama in life (and undead life) that we don’t need to artificially add to this. Let’s make a pact. Human or monster. If you’ve got a two-face joker for a friend just flip a coin. Heads you drop them like a hot potato, and tails you stick their face in potato salad.

So long, and angst for all the fish

2008-08-01T11:04:00.003-04:00

If you are a moody, angst-ridden teenager, take heart, and tell your parents to get off your back. You mind is developing, and your mood swings and emo feelings are part of that process. Own it. Then as soon as you can, get over it, you big, fat baby.

Vampires rights out of left field

2008-07-31T11:24:00.004-04:00

My sister LilyBat is definitely going to be watching this show (whatever it is). Looks like HBO is starting an ad campaign for a show about vampires living in modern society. Sounds a lot like the situation in the Charlaine Harris novels that goody two-shoes Abby Cadaver reads.

americanvampireleague.com

Wrinkles in time

2008-07-24T10:35:00.004-04:00

You might be young now, but watch out for the sun. It will age you in time. It’s great if you start using some kind of sunblock early. You want to look young for as long as you can — especially if you are immortal like me. 90% of wrinkles are caused by ultra-violet exposure from the sun. The other 10% of wrinkles are caused by lazy people who sit in the dryer too long before folding.

Gender contender

2008-07-20T12:00:00.003-04:00

I can see by my new pole, that the information therein will be very helpful. I’ve always known that boys are stinky losers, and I’m pleased to see so far only girls and women are reading my blog. Men wouldn’t understand it anyway.
Feel free to slap this graphic on your page to make boys stay away!

What color accent POLL RESULTS

2008-07-08T19:40:00.002-04:00

What color do you accent black with?

35% • Purple
22% • Red
14% • Pink
10% • What accent? (just black!)
8% • Blue
4% • Green
4% • Something else

I like these stats!

Avoid the squeeze and pop

2008-07-08T18:03:00.004-04:00

Remember, people! Acne brand pimples should never be pinched, picked or squeezed. Feel free to pinch, pick or squeeze your butt, but please keep your hands away from those pimples! They are like weeds in your garden with alien roots.

Long in the tooth, short in the bus

2008-07-04T16:22:00.003-04:00

Everyone knows this. Wearing your Bluetooth phone device on your head while not in use is like wearing a big fat earing that says, “I’m a pretentious goofball.” The Bluetooth headset, however much it set you back is not the status symbol you want it to be. It shows that your status is stupid.
At least you won’t get brain cancer. The wireless waves bouncing around inside your skull will echo forever before they find any gray matter.

The Little Mercat

2008-06-24T10:55:00.003-04:00

There was once a advertising tag line for swim-wear that said, “If you can’t drive a Jaguar, wear one.” I don’t know if that’s condescending or ignorant. Whichever it it, it’s not very clever. Bathing suits with animal prints first appeared in the 1950s. Cats in water. That makes sense. Then again, I can’t imagine that fish scales would be very attractive.

The buzz on bee pollen

2008-06-22T12:58:00.003-04:00

I recently bzzt came across a suggestion for my allergies (yes, monsters get allergies). Bee pollen. At first I was all for it because bzzt I love honey, and if a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, a spoonful of honey is sure to do the trick too.
You have to take bzzt the bee pollen for several weeks before your allergy season starts, so I’m preparing early. My seasons pop up all year long, so I’m bzzt taking it all the time. It’s supposed to be good for you in so many more ways (just google it), but it tastes terrible. Raw honey can have bee pollen in it is de-lish, but plain bee pollen is just those little bzzt yellow balls that collect on bees’ legs when they go from flower to flower. They fall off the bees’ legs in the hive, and are bzzt collected and sold.
Well, that’s not so appetizing until you find out bzzt some of the pollen balls still have the legs attached. Now I take it every day just for the chance that I’ll get the delicious bee leg surprise!

bzzt

Holding patterns

2008-06-19T11:56:00.003-04:00

I’ll tell you why I don’t like to fly commercially. The wings on my back can only take me so far. Trying to fly to another state with them would be like a human mortal walking from New York to Florida. Commercial airlines seem to be hep to this, so they take advantage, and have zero consideration for us as customers.
It’s bad enough it’s bags cost more to fly, and we have to go through idiotic security measures. Why is it flights are always delayed, and when you actually arrive 30,000 feet above your destination you’re stuck in holding patterns due to runway crowding and weather restrictions?
The up and down made my ears clog, and now I can’t hear myself think. Good thing too, because I think what I’m thinking are very bad words. You should see the subtitles in my mind.

Blood, sweat and fears

2008-06-11T09:02:00.003-04:00

OMG, summer’s not even here yet, and it’s so hot! I found this tidbit of info on CNN’s website: A pea-sized bead of sweat can cool nearly 1 liter (about 1 quart) of blood 1 degree Fahrenheit.
That can’t be true. The blood on my fangs is pretty warm, and there was a lot of sweat involved in procuring it.

Get down, and get frizzy

2008-06-10T08:57:00.003-04:00

These humid days are taking a toll on my hair. I can’t seem to escape the frizzies (or my annoying zombie neighbors). Here’s something I found out that works. During humid months, shampoo less often, and when you do leave the conditioner in longer. Also try combing hair out before wetting it, and just “finger combing” when it’s wet. Wet hair tends to break easier. Hair is strongest when it’s dry. That’s why they put your hair in a bun when you go to the guillotine.

I think, therefore they stink

2008-06-09T10:23:00.004-04:00

My friends tell me not to worry about what other people think. I’m not sure that I do, but that’s what they think. Then they go and see the Takashi Murakami exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum without me. What were they thinking? What am I supposed to think?
I think they’re just jealous of me, and don’t want to be seen around a monster that’s prettier and smarter than they are. I can go the Takashi Murakami exhibit myself :(

I’m a deviant portrait

2008-06-06T15:41:00.004-04:00

Sniffles have kept me away from people, so I’ve not had much to fuss about. After all, it’s people that do me in! Sorry for the blogging absence.
Well, back at it! I’m not sure what JITTERBUTTER™ is. Management’s not telling me much. But check out my adorable portrait that you can buy on deviantArt! Comes in many sizes. I hope you get one for yourself!

Clicky here!

Oh, the other girl monsters are there too. Not worth seeing though. Click if you want.

Hey, mister coffee bean man

2008-05-30T10:15:00.003-04:00

Open note to people who count calories: Nobody cares that you count calories. When I’m in my local cafe trying to enjoy a morning soy almond zen cappuccino with lots of sugar and foam, I’m not interested in hearing how many calories are in it. Neither is the barista. If you had any awareness, you’d notice eyes rolling everywhere around you. We’re all looking at you, just like you wanted, but you’re making us all dizzy.

Cold feet on cold feat

2008-05-27T11:16:00.004-04:00

I’ve got a case of the sniffles. I’ve heard a ton of strange remedies for treating a cold, but this one takes the cake: Warm your feet in hot water while soaking a thin pair of socks in cold water. Wring out the socks and put the cold socks on your warm feet. Put a pair of thick, dry socks over those, and head straight to bed. Supposedly, the wet socks draw your blood to your feet making your circulation work more efficiently, and helping with congestion. I’m not sure I’ll try it because it sounds so off-the-wall.
I’m interested to hear in the comments. Tell me the weirdest cold remedies you’ve heard of.

Annie Lennox, where are you?

2008-05-23T11:00:00.003-04:00

You know the old saying, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.” I’ve been wondering lately if that should be revised to “If you want something done at all you have to do it yourself.”

Frankly, mint

2008-05-21T19:56:00.005-04:00

Someone gave me one of those little tins of mints today. Not as a hint, cheeky monkey; they were those novelty mints that say something silly or sarcastic, and have a fun shape or picture. Notice I’m not telling you what they were because it’s simply not your business.
Anyway, why are those mints so addictive? I ended up eating one after the other like popcorn. I ended up eating the entire tin. I’m either going to have the mintiest breath in Dread Falls or the worst stomach ache in demonic history.

Hold the malaise

2008-05-20T14:35:00.003-04:00

The miserable weather recently has contributed to my malaise more than usual. They must be seeding the clouds with angst and trepidation. I feel like it may continue raining for the rest of my post life.

Rise and gargle… then shine

2008-05-19T08:20:00.003-04:00

Early to bed, early to rise makes a girl bitter that she missed the evening hours. Being kissed by the morning sun isn’t as nice as it sounds. The sun’s got morning breath.

Ramble on the bleach

2008-05-18T16:06:00.003-04:00

Let it be known: There is not much you can do with bleached hair. Just ask Gwen Stefani. Aside from a pink streak now and then, her hair is never going to be anything other than bleached blond. The bleach leaked through her follicles and into her brain affecting her music. It even caused her to go mainstream. Cleaned the talent right out of her head.
The moral: If you bleach your hair so light light that it can’t get any whiter, soon it’s going to be invisible. In other words, you’ll go bald.
Careful with that bleach, or you might want to put it in your eyes so you can’t see your hideous self.

Rain, rain go away - Don’t bother coming back

2008-05-16T11:11:00.002-04:00

Does rain make your hair frizzy too? I have to keep my head in a plastic bag when it rains, but it sure makes it hard to breath. Anyone have a any suggestions?

You’ve goth to be kidding me

2008-05-13T11:48:00.003-04:00

It has been mentioned to me that I might be Goth. Um, I don’t think so. I’m a demon, or a demoniac if you’re nasty. Goth is a label, and I don’t care for labels. It’s not that I have a problem with Goths. They’re usually friendly to me, and they’re delicious.
Apparently, (according to some nameless numskull) you might be goth if you think anything looks prettier dead than alive. I’m sure they were referring to flowers and poodles, which go without saying, are definitely much prettier dead than alive. But it’s not a universal rule. I mean, I’m not dead… I’m not alive either. Some like to say undead, but that’s just my sister’s definition. Some like to say reanimated, but that’s her dorky friend’s position. And of course, some don’t have all the parts that are required to define life (though I hear she likes to eat them).
Besides all this. If you don’t think I’m pretty as is, maybe you are the weird one. Or maybe you just want to die.

The plain, the plain.

2008-05-12T09:05:00.004-04:00

I keep seeing people with uninspired, trendy tattoos. What’s with that? Don’t they know these things are permanent? You better really like any art you choose to put on your skin. A tribal razor wire band is not parachute pants. You can’t pretend you never wore it. Besides, getting something that all the other trendies have is plain and boring.
If you are going to get inked, why not try something that is near and dear to you? An image of something that is very important to you will mean so much more in the long run. Just make sure it’s something you feel a lifelong connection to. Don’t forget our tastes change. How would you explain to your chums that tat you sport of the snuggle bear you held when you were just a tot?

Examine your Automatic, Continous Clothing Closure

2008-05-11T11:06:00.004-04:00

There are several patents for variations on the zipper with such commercially catchy names as Automatic, Continuous Clothing Closure, Clasp Locker, Judson C-curity Fastener, and Separable Fastener. They date back to the late 19th century and early 20th century. Thank goodness the zipper was eventually perfected. Well maybe not perfected. Sometimes when I tell people to “Zip it,” I wish it was permanent. Maybe I should say, “Weld it!”

Pink instinct

2008-05-09T10:47:00.003-04:00

They say girls and women who like pink tend to be maternal. What a load of bunk! I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love kids as much as anyone. They’re a lot less filling than adults.

The color of envy

2008-05-06T08:43:00.005-04:00

Being an individual is as easy as being yourself. Don’t let the rules of any subculture or counterculture sway you do do anything you don’t want to do. Wear what you want, and do what you want. If you waste time and energy being the way others want you to be you never get to be yourself. Don’t listen to others if they call you a poser, either. Chances are, they are the real posers.
The bottom line is if you want pink hair but your friend thinks that’s too trendy they are probably jealous they didn’t think of it first. Be sensitive, and explain this to them. When they see it your way, offer to help them dye their hair pink. When it’s done you can laugh at them and call them trendy. Then dye your own hair green.

Pollen want a cracker

2008-05-05T12:34:00.003-04:00

It’s annoying enough that we have to breath the pollen of all those ugly flowers; have you ever gotten pollen on your clothes? It's like leech flower with grappling hooks and spurs. If you run into the problem of getting pollen on your clothes don’t try to rub it off or put water on it. Use tape. Get a piece of tape, and carefully wrap it around your head so it covers your eyes. You won’t see the stain at all. This works for allergies too. Try covering your nose and mouth. It’s another solution to sneezing and runny nose.

Deoder rant

2008-05-03T11:33:00.003-04:00

B.O. or body odor can be a real problem when you’re trying to quietly survive your commute on the metro. Hasn’t everyone heard of deodorant yet? How about a little consideration to those around you?
Fashion tip #697: When choosing to not shave the pits, and neglecting to cover up with a roll-on, solid stick or spray please, please, please don’t wear a tank top in the close confines of a standing-room-only train car.
Next time consider a rain coat because if I can’t manage to hold my breath until the next station my head might explode.

Bikini meeni miney mo

2008-05-02T12:02:00.003-04:00

Beach weather is on its way. If you’re into wearing a bikini, it’s good to know a little about it. The first bikini was introduced in 1946. It was described as “a two-piece bathing suit that reveals everything about a girl except her mother’s maiden name.”
Considering the modest look of the early bikini compared to what you see today it’s no wonder identity theft is so rampant.

Slay fever

2008-05-01T09:59:00.003-04:00

So many people have allergies right now. Post-nasal drip, itchy eyes, lungs filled with pollen — these are just a few of the tortures some have to go through. I’ve got a cure. Hold your head under water for the next three weeks. I guarantee you won’t sneeze once.

Dungeon know sun is bad?

2008-04-30T09:18:00.006-04:00

Did you know that overexposure to the sun before the age of 18 is the most damaging to the skin? That’s why I believe that if you are not nocturnal you should be locked away in a closet. Then when you are 18 you can be transferred to a dungeon. Health and safety first, I always say.

Complexion convection

2008-04-29T16:07:00.004-04:00

I just got back from a weekend in Flo-horror-da. Thank goodness for shade and air conditioning. I noticed everyone was tan as leather, and slaves of the weather. So in reminiscentia to being so close to the edge of purgatory, and being kissed by a cruel, smoochy sun — I give you this article I found on the history of tanning.
Be sure to shake some salt and pepper on your skin after you oil up. No sense in being bland just because you’re boring ;)

Showers are like negative calories

2008-04-23T20:32:00.004-04:00

Here’s a cold, hard fact to give you the willies: Did you know that 10% of your body weight is from microorganisms living on your body? How about instead of putting down that dough-nut, you just take bath, you smelly pig.

Killer accents give you voice

2008-04-21T08:27:00.004-04:00

I have a bit of fashion advice for anyone who wears a top that does not cover their neck. Especially if the neckline is quite low, you’ll need to accessorize. Try wearing an old ribbon or collar. Even a silver choker, or black fabric works. Spikes and leather are cool too. The bottom line is your neck should never be exposed to possible vampire attacks. Ribbons are also good for covering the stitches where your head was sewn back on.

On the blink

2008-04-16T09:13:00.003-04:00

The average human blinks around 6 million times a year. Unless their eyes are held open with clothes pins. Then the number is significantly lower.

Frog leg massacre

2008-04-15T13:03:00.005-04:00

In Egypt and Rome 3000 years ago hair dyes were made from cows’ blood, and from crushed tadpoles in warm oil. How naive is that? They didn’t even bother waiting for the frogs to grow up when they have much more blood.

Demonic nasal drip

2008-04-14T05:34:00.003-04:00

Piercings are nothing new. For centuries the ears, nose, and belly have been pierced for superstitious reasons. It was thought that piercings released demons from the body. I once fell out of someone’s nose, but landed right back in their belly.

Return of the living dyed

2008-04-13T10:54:00.003-04:00

When dying your hair be aware that red can be the most fussy color. Not only does it fade the easiest, but it can be the hardest to get out. Don’t try to do it yourself when you move to another color or the red may keep coming back. Go to your stylist or hairdresser. Many are also registered and qualified to perform exorcisms.

Cornish humor

2008-04-12T10:47:00.004-04:00

My favorite hat, the “Pork Pie” hat originated some time in the mid 1800’s. It was named for the resemblance to a pork pie which is a type of meat pie that is a staple of British food. Americans have a similar pie. They call it a pot pie, of which the “chicken pot pie” is most popular. I bet the pork pie hat wouldn’t be so popular if it was called the chicken pot pie hat.

The stocking market is not on Wall Street

2008-04-11T10:33:00.003-04:00

Nylon stockings were invented in 1938, but they didn’t go up for sale until 1940. You’d think someone would have bought them by now.

Ash Wednesday

2008-04-09T12:16:00.003-04:00

When looking for hair dye, check the ingredients. Don’t use a dye with “ash” in it. You’ll end up with an unnatural gray tint. Besides, you don’t know whose ashes they are.

Nutty hair colors

2008-04-07T09:57:00.003-04:00

Ancient Romans had as many as 100 different formulas of hair dye. Some of these formulas used charred eggs, leeches and walnut shells. Walnut shells are still used to this day in modern formulas. This brings me to the question: Who decided it was a good idea to dye pistachio shells red? And how do they make that dye?
I’m always wondering how to make this dye, and how to make that dye ;)

Silly, um… cilium

2008-04-06T13:16:00.005-04:00

Seena Owen

False eyelashes were invented for producer D.W. Griffith. He wanted something to enhance Seena Owen’s eyes for his 1916 film, Intolerance. A bit of irony there? I guess sometimes through narrow-mindedness, we can still achieve innovation worth appreciating.

One heart and lung sandwich, hold the breath

2008-04-05T13:29:00.005-04:00

A girl’s left lung is smaller than her right lung to make room for her heart. The lung thing goes the same for boys, but apparently it’s for no reason whatsoever.

What’s the gray matter, baby?

2008-04-04T10:12:00.003-04:00

The left side of a girl’s brain controls the right side of her body & vice-versa. So keep your eyes on her brain, or you could get a smack from either direction.

Snooty is only skin deep

2008-04-03T00:53:00.002-04:00

People keep calling me snarky. They have weird accents, though. It’s pronounced prit-ē. P-R-E-T-T-Y.

Vascular system or hollow container

2008-04-02T11:22:00.002-04:00

Girl’s bodies contain about 50,000 miles of blood vessels. This goes for boys as well, but none of them go the their brains.

Girls smell, boys stink

2008-03-30T11:45:00.004-04:00

Girls’ noses can sense smell best when they are about 10 years old. That’s why they notice smelly boys faster than adults.

Snug as a bug in a chug

2008-03-29T19:26:00.003-04:00

Each year you swallow about 14 insects in your sleep. Now you just have to figure out which night it happens and stay up. They’ll taste better if you’re awake.

Nice leather we’re having

2008-03-28T16:47:00.003-04:00

Just a reminder to everyone who wears leather. Sure it's cool, but not always. Don’t forget leather comes from cows, and I have yet to meet a cool cow.

Boy Fact

2008-03-27T01:12:00.003-04:00

More than 100 million microscopic critters live in a boy’s mouth, so unless you like to eat bugs, kissing these fiends is out of the question.

Girl Fact

2008-03-25T00:32:00.003-04:00

Girls have about 100,000 hairs on their head, and they all deserve to dye ;)